Should we take turns initiating sex?


Sometimes I am feeling sexy and want to plan a special night between my husband and I but he never allows me to initiate sex. I understand he is the head of the household and that proves his masculinity, but I want to initiate sometimes and show him that I can be just as spontaneous and creative. What do you suggest?

People have different reasons for their sexual ideas. I’m not sure what thoughts are behind his reasoning. It sounds like you have decided it is because of his machismo – “manhood”. He may indeed feel like that is his role to initiate sex. But what it sounds like to me is that he has some control issues. For some reason he has to be in control of everything. I wouldn’t know what that is all about unless I was able to sit down and talk with him. Maybe he was touched as a child in a way that was uncomfortable to him and now he has to always control when and how he is touched. In my opinion his reaction to your touch and initiation of sex is not normal. Most men love to be touched and are easily turned on by a woman’s touch.

I would suggest you let him know that you feel like sex usually has to be on his terms. Ask him how he feels about this and if he thinks that is right. If he is willing to admit its not right then ask him if he thinks he can change and become more open to your touch and initiation of sex. If he is not willing to admit it is wrong ask him if he is willing to address the issue with a marriage counselor. If he shuts down altogether then you’ve got a problem. I suggest that you go in by yourself to see a marriage counselor who can coach you on the art of dealing with a stonewaller.

I hope that helps.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.