It’s common for infidelity to come between otherwise happy couple, whether married or not. You’ve probably even Googled, “Is he cheating on me?” But then what? What should you do if you find out your spouse or partner is cheating?
Maybe a password stays active on their phone, while none of the notifications from communication apps show on screen. It’s possible you have a third person feeding off your relationship.
Is He Cheating On Me?: Facing Your Fears
Sometimes the fear of being cheated on arises from not knowing everything that’s going on in your partner’s life. Maybe his phone was never locked before you started staying together. The fear is not whether or not your partner is cheating — you’ve already accepted that possibility by letting your mind picture your spouse with someone else.
Like most things, you can only find a solution when all the information is out in the open. Don’t sleuth or sneak around trying to access your spouse’s emails or social media accounts. Don’t go asking all his Facebook friends, “Is he cheating on me?” Ask for access to his social media and let him know why you are probing.
In this day and age of hackers, many people look for ways to stealthily access the contents of the locked phone. That is an act equal to and if not more dangerous than the possibility of infidelity. So you get the phone penetrated, and find out your partner was not cheating on you. You just needed to feel as though a part of your life was still in your control. But then what?
Once you find out your spouse might be cheating, don’t go telling everyone you know. Wait until you talk to your partner about it. When something is going on, the best person to say anything about it to should be your partner. It’s tempting to cry about it with your friends and keep the question, “Is he cheating on me?” the topic of your every conversation, but too many relationships end this way. Your peers who are encouraging you up to hit the eject button are not in love with your partner, so go to your spouse for the answers to your questions.
Is He Cheating On Me?: Talking to Your Partner
Go to your partner, and try to be calm. Talk with them about the cheating, and tell them how it makes you feel. After confronting your spouse or partner, allow them to explain their side. In some situations, it might be good to have a marriage and family therapist from Lifestyle Therapy Coaching help you talk through things. Let your spouse explain his views and reasons. You can have a therapist sit in during the talk to keep tempers controlled and move you toward amicable ends.
A lack of communication is one of the reasons why people end up cheating on spouses or partners. If you find yourself asking people other than your spouse, “Is he cheating on me?”, that should already let you know that you have a lack of communication in your marriage. Other causes, such as dwindling intimacy levels are not so easy to solve, especially when a couple is having heated discussions about it regularly. What you might need is a crash course in healthy communication — like the “How to Stop Arguing With Your Spouse” online course.
Don’t be satisfied if your partner breaks the door to other options. Again, such matters are best worked on by both partners privately with the help of a licensed marriage counselor.
If He’s Cheating, Can You Find a Solution?
Even when the circumstances seem too bad to reconcile, many couples often find their way back to the kind of love they felt during their first days together. If he’s cheating on you, as with any other lifestyle situation, backtracking is possible. A solution should be crafted by, agreed upon, and maintained by both partners.
If couples decide to work on their marriage, finding a licensed marriage and family therapist is a great place to start. Therapists can help couples get at the root of their problems. There are also online courses, like “The Sizzling Hot Marriage Makeover Course” that includes a comprehensive marriage evaluation to help couples not only find the spark in their relationship, but also the problem areas they should work on. Going separate ways is a solution many people rush into but live to regret not too long after the decision. Taking a trial separation, on the other hand, gives both sides a taste of life without one another. If you’re still asking “Is he cheating on me?” during this separation, make sure you talk to your spouse and figure out what the separation will look like.
When you cannot live without each other, the therapeutic effects of such an activity always make for a better cement than you had previously. This makes for a stronger and longer-lasting relationship onward.
It takes commitment to maintain an agreed-upon solution. It takes teamwork and conscious effort from both sides. Knowing what your partner does not like and what they like takes effort. This time, don’t assume anything is key to a successful relationship.
Rekindling the Romance
You can read as many books as you can afford about understanding men or women. Most will not help as much since each case is unique. This is not to scare you, but to give you total control of your situation.
Everyone wishes the honeymoon will never end, and very few get to experience it more than once. Organize activities for just the two of you. This can be a weekend vacation away from your busy lifestyles. Treat the romantic getaway as you would a work meeting — don’t let anything disturb it. Even a surprise evening to rekindle the flame is enough to keep going. When you’re on these romantic getaways, don’t dwell on, “Is he cheating on me?” Make the most of it, and keep your communication lines open.
Along with working with your therapist and taking online courses together like “How to Stop Arguing With Your Spouse” and “The Sizzling Hot Marriage Makeover Course,” or try reading books like “The Sizzle Mindset” that will give you skills you’ll need to find that spark again.
Try to remember what it was that drew you together.
With such a strategy laid out, and looking at every relationship from a different perspective, it becomes immaterial who is cheating. What’s important is what you decide to do to move forward in your relationship.
Each relationship thrives on the intimacy that sparked it alive. Without external contributors or commentators, more relationships would survive. Some of the happiest couples you see walking hand to hand have been through deeper trouble times.
You need to own the relationship completely. Keep celebrating that somebody is with you regardless of your flaws for as long as you are alive.