Another Year Another Opportunity to Become a Better Lover

Happy New Year from Lifestyle!

You’ve heard it said that what it took to get her it takes to keep her. This is true for her just as much as him. Yet for many couples, one or both fail to exert the energy toward the relationship they did while dating. Think about it – when dating, you’re constantly thinking about each other. You take every opportunity to see one another. You do thoughtful things for each other to let the other know how much you love them. You are drawn to touch one another and express sexual attraction. You talk about how you are feeling in the relationship and otherwise. You talk about your future together. Your conversation is full and engaging as you feel this person is as interested in you as you are in them. You feel safe and protected. They encourage you and demonstrate their belief in you. There is also a lot of grace demonstrated as faults are easily overlooked or downplayed.
For too many couples they are unable to keep this up. Once other life issues come into focus less focus is given to the marriage. Most simply fail to keep their marriage in balance with the rest of their life. Others are emotionally unable to handle the weight of satisfying another person in marriage. One partner has to do all the heavy lifting when it comes to the relationship tasks. A healthy marriage requires two emotionally healthy individuals.
Emotional health consists of healthy thinking about oneself and others. It is the ability, amidst the challenges and stresses of life, to find happiness for oneself and contribute to the happiness of another. Emotional health is being able to admit one’s faults, accept criticism, and make improvements on oneself. Emotional health is the ability to criticise their spouse in a way that is sensitive and effective at producing change. It is the ability to comprehend one’s impact on the others thinking, emotions and behaviors.
Ultimately, I believe emotional health is something learned from one’s parents. If your parents were not emotionally healthy it’s not too late to learn new thought habits. It can really help to have an emotionally  more productive from an emotionally healthy mate. Or from an emotionally healthy surrogate family. Or through therapy or a combination of the above.
A couple must be open to discuss the unhealthy parts of their relationship in order for change to occur. Often these discussions turn into harsh arguments. But couples mustn’t allow the conflict to discourage them from addressing these issues. They should stay calm, present and listen to one another. This is where a Marriage and Family Therapist can be very helpful.

It’s a New Year! This is a great time to assess your marriage. It’s a great time to assess each other. Identify what you want to make better in your marriage this year so you can become a better lover. Some frown on making New Year’s resolutions. I strongly advise for you to do so. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Set goals for yourself and work toward them. They say people who set goals are more productive than those who don’t. Set the goal to become a better lover.

This year I plan to drop a weekly marriage tip and accompanying blog post to encourage couples in their marriage. Click subscribe to get these weekly messages. You can get my tips on Facebook as well.


Are you doing the right things in your marriage? Sizzle Mindset: Seven Secrets to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage has been written to encourage couples to focus on what really matters to keep things sizzling hot in their marriage.

Ready to take your marriage to the next level? The How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage Course will take you there.

Why We Don’t Reach Our Goals

I’ve heard many people say they have stopped making New Year’s resolutions because it doesn’t make any difference anyway. Well the truth is that it does make a difference. Setting goals makes a difference. Once you set a goal all of your mind wraps around that goal to move yourself toward the goal. The problem is that we have a tendency to either forget our goal or get discouraged along the way. That is why we don’t reach our goals. We don’t see ourselves any differently. Other’s don’t see us differently as well. What other’s see in us makes a BIG difference in what we see in ourselves. That is why we must keep our goals before us and be around people who believe we can reach those goals. Write them down. Clip out a picture from a magazine and put it on the refrigerator, mirror, or dashboard of your car. Find someone who can remind you and keep you accountable. Get some help. A personal coach can go a long ways to getting where you want to be. Keep your goals before the Lord in prayer. If you keep doing these things you will keep working and moving forward. Anything worthwhile is worth working for. Did you think it would be easy?

It is difficult to change the course that you are already on. The decisions you made yesterday have set you on a path either toward or away from your goals. It is easier to do what you are used to doing. Many goals require that you achieve other goals. You can’t become a neurosurgeon without completing High School. If you chose to skip classes in High School it is going to be tough getting into college. If you want to be a millionaire you need to learn how to live within your means. If you are going to reach your weight loss goal you must learn to deny yourself when you are hungry and eschew the comfort of not exercising. But denying ourselves what we are used to having or doing is uncomfortable. If you are willing to be uncomfortable for a little while you will be able to endure the cravings to go back to the way things were long enough to get used to something different. That is why it is a fatal error to get discouraged when you relapse back into the old behaviors you are trying to get away from. You are almost there. Just because you fell back into the old behavior doesn’t mean you should give up or that you are a hopeless case. The fact that you did it differently for a while lets you know that is what you want to be doing. Just get back on the horse and start riding again. You will get to your destination.

Maybe you started out this year with a goal to get fit, get a different job, get a new attitude or improve a relationship. Just because it is difficult and there are many obstacles is no reason to stop trying. Let me encourage you to keep focused on doing the things it will take to reach your goal. Begin to see yourself successful. Identify the two or three new behaviors you need to be doing to successfully reach your goal. Keep a record so you can see how well you are doing. Stay away from people who will discourage you and get around people who are headed in the same direction. Work smarter by arranging your life around the goal you desire to reach. Never give up! Try Fresh Start as a way to keep your goals in front of you. Its never too late to get started. Its OK to start again. Never give up!

A Fresh New Start

A Fresh Start in 2016

Happy New Year!

A new year is a fresh start. No matter what mistakes you’ve made in the past, a new year promises another opportunity to get it right. A new year is a great opportunity to start over. What do you need to focus on and make happen in 2016?

Let me challenge you to identify that one area of your life you have failed to give the attention it deserves lately in your life? Maybe it is your time with God, your marriage, your physical health, your diet, your finances, a particular talent, your children, your home, your education, etc. Take some time to write down a singular objective you need to reach in 2016. Determine what time each week you will devote to work on this area of your life. Then identify somebody who believes in you to hold you accountable. If you would enjoy the engagement of others on your journey to reach this objective I invite you to become a member of a private group of people who will support one another in reaching their goals.

I have posted my Fresh Start journey and I hope you will support me on my journey this year. I invite you to post your Fresh Start journey and engage with others who are as well working on themselves. Remember, iron sharpens iron.

If you join I will support you by responding to your posts and sending you regular inspirational messages to keep you motivated.

Click here to join