How to Stop Arguing: Get Help!

Would you like help to stop arguing and build a happy marriage? Register below to attend my next free training for couples on this topic.

family therapist in Alabama

Do you want to stop arguing with your spouse? Does your marriage need help? Attend my next “marriage communication training where I share the secrets to a lasting marriage. Click the button below to sign up.

Joe Follette, Jr. LMFT


 

Are you doing the right things in your marriage? Sizzle Mindset: Seven Secrets to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage has been written to encourage couples to focus on what really matters to keep things sizzling hot in their marriage.

Ready to take your marriage to the next level? The How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage Course will take you there.

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How to Stop Arguing: Keep Your Filter Unclogged

We all have blind spots. There may be truths about ourselves that others see, but we don’t. It is really hard sometimes to hear the truth that our spouse is trying to communicate to us. Some people are more open to frank, candid conversations than others. Honesty is a key component of happy marriages. If we can honestly share our thoughts and feelings with each other, it is safe to talk, openly communicate and come to an agreement.

We all have the potential of getting stuck in irrational thinking. More than likely, when we act like our spouse is our enemy we are thinking irrationally. These irrational thoughts form the dirty filters that keep us from agreement. Communication is important in helping us talk through these erroneous beliefs that keep us away from agreement. Our dirty filters are often passed down from the previous generation. They are formed from life’s disappointments and difficulties. They represent our attempt to make sense of our experiences, but unfortunately, we don’t always arrive at the most helpful conclusion. Often we need psychoanalysis by a trained counselor to help us clean out these filters. It is no understatement to declare how damaging some filters can be to marital relationships.

family therapist in Alabama

Sign up for a free training!

Do you want to stop arguing with your spouse? Does your marriage need help? Attend my next free training where I share the secrets to a lasting marriage. Click the button below to sign up.

Register Now

Joe Follette, Jr. LMFT


 

Are you doing the right things in your marriage? Sizzle Mindset: Seven Secrets to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage has been written to encourage couples to focus on what really matters to keep things sizzling hot in their marriage.

Ready to take your marriage to the next level? The How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage Course will take you there.

Subscribe

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How to Stop Arguing: Learn How to De-escalate

Inevitably, something is going to get somebody fired up at some time. Your spouse will say something that gets under your skin. You may not respond in a positive way. Before you know it, you are having a yelling match or something similar. While these moments are to be expected, it is important for you to to recognize the escalation and diffuse it.

During high-anxiety moments in relationships, the fight-or-flight response has been triggered. God created us to protect ourselves when in danger. The adrenaline flow provides the added strength and alertness to handle crises. Unfortunately, 99 percent of the time when this response is triggered it is a false alarm. There is no imminent danger. However, you’re on alert as if there is. This alert signal unfortunately gets triggered during disagreements, misunderstandings, and disappointments. Instead of talking through the situation, couples become defensive and offensive. Instead of solving the problem, they basically inflame the problem, making it even worse. And worst of all, the problem that arose goes unresolved. Over the course of time, this pattern of unresolving problems leads to a very unhappy marriage and even divorce.

 

Couple Having Coffee

Here are some things you can do to keep those trigger moments from getting out of hand:

  1. Take a deep breath. Release the tension and tell your mind there is no danger.
  2. Lower your voice. Speak in a whisper if you must. If they feel safe and you feel safe place your hand on their shoulder in a caring manner to let them know you don’t see them as your enemy, and you care about them.
  3. Recognize when the fight-or-flight syndrome has been triggered. You know that the fight-or-flight response has been triggered when one of you becomes silent (withdraws, ignores, changes the subject, etc.) or violent (interrupting, yelling, denigrating, hitting, etc.). Being aware will help you keep the communication environment safe. Make the adjustment sooner rather than later.
  4. Show respect for the other’s opinion by 1) not quickly disregarding it, 2) not taking the floor and sharing your opinion, and 3) repeating back in your own words and clarifying what you heard your spouse say.
  5. Take a time-out for 10 minutes or less. Agree to give one another space for a short period of time when a time-out is requested. This will allow both of you time to calm down and think through the emotions you are feeling.
  6. Ask your spouse if they are feeling safe right now. Ask what you can do to help them feel more comfortable in order continue the conversation and find a resolution.
  7. Take a gratitude break. Take a moment to share something you genuinely appreciate about your spouse. Maybe this will help you feel safe again.
  8. If your spouse if really belligerent, you may need to gently call their name repeatedly until you get their attention. Then say, “I’m not feeling very safe right now, can we take a five minute time-out so we can calmly continue this conversation and create a ‘we-win’ outcome?”
family therapist in Alabama

Sign up for a free training!

Do you want to stop arguing with your spouse? Does your marriage need help? Attend my next free training where I share the secrets to a lasting marriage. Click the button below to sign up.

Register Now

Joe Follette, Jr. LMFT


 

Are you doing the right things in your marriage? Sizzle Mindset: Seven Secrets to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage has been written to encourage couples to focus on what really matters to keep things sizzling hot in their marriage.

Ready to take your marriage to the next level? The How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage Course will take you there.

Subscribe

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Home

How to Stop Arguing: Commit to “We-Win” Negotiation

Everybody wants what they want. Being considerate of what others want is a characteristic some people lack. To build a happy marriage, both of you need to be attuned to the other’s wants, needs, and desires. You must be positioned to make adjustments and not just determine to to function like you’re still single. That’s the commitment you made at the altar. You must enter every conflict resolved to reach a mutually satisfying choice of options the two of you propose. This agreement should be reached respectfully while avoiding communication blockers. The environment should be so safe that you can share what you’re thinking without fear. It is difficult to stay cool when you feel strongly about something your spouse may disagree with, but maintaining respect for your spouse’s position — no matter how wrong you believe them to be — is essential to keeping them open to considering your perspective. And it is the only way to achieve a “we-win” conclusion. You may reach agreement, but if either of you feels disrespected, you run the risk of a lose.

family therapist in Alabama

Sign up for a free training!

Do you want to stop arguing with your spouse? Does your marriage need help? Attend my next “How to Stop Arguing & Build a Happy Marriage” webinar where I share the secrets to a lasting marriage. Click the button below to sign up.

Register Now

Joe Follette, Jr. LMFT


 

Are you doing the right things in your marriage? Sizzle Mindset: Seven Secrets to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage has been written to encourage couples to focus on what really matters to keep things sizzling hot in their marriage.

Ready to take your marriage to the next level? The How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage Course will take you there.

Subscribe

Blog

Happiness Store

Upcoming Events

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Home

How to Stop Arguing: Learn to Communicate Effectively

Communication is the process of sending and receiving messages. Couples who master this process have the most enjoyable marriages. Couples who balance talking and listening well have great marriages. Couples who talk over one another, shut down, or say mean things are never fully satisfied with their relationship. Effective communication leads to a power balance that feels really good. Using the TILE method, we-win negotiation, the talking timer, the temperature test (-10 to + 10), and recognizing silence and violence will make your marriage easier to navigate.

family therapist in Alabama

Sign up for a free training!

Do you want to stop arguing with your spouse? Does your marriage need help? Attend my next “How to Stop Arguing & Build a Happy Marriage” webinar where I share the secrets to a lasting marriage. Click the button below to sign up.

Register Now

Joe Follette, Jr. LMFT


 

Are you doing the right things in your marriage? Sizzle Mindset: Seven Secrets to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage has been written to encourage couples to focus on what really matters to keep things sizzling hot in their marriage.

Ready to take your marriage to the next level? The How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage Course will take you there.

Subscribe

Blog

Happiness Store

Upcoming Events

Patient Portal

Home

How to Stop Arguing: Recommit to Respecting and Loving Your Spouse

Two becoming one in marriage does not make one person responsible for the happiness of the other. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness. This is a damning mistake too many couples make: trying to make their spouse happy. There is no end to that pursuit. This is our personal responsibility.Your responsibility is to love your spouse. Loving them is mostly pleasing them, but sometimes it means saying “no.” Loving your spouse requires you to understand them and your relationship. When you understand your spouse, it is easier to respect them for who they are instead of trying to change them. To appreciate your spouse, you must understand their personality, strengths, and growth areas.

The five love languages (talk, touch, task, tokens, time) is a great way to conceptualize what you need to do to love your spouse. Failure to love one another is usually the underlying reason for arguments. A secret cure for arguing couples is to spend more time together.

family therapist in Alabama

Sign up for a free training!

Do you want to stop arguing with your spouse? Does your marriage need help? Attend my next “How to Stop Arguing & Build a Happy Marriage” webinar where I share the secrets to a lasting marriage. Click the button below to sign up.

Register Now
Joe Follette, Jr. LMFT


 

Are you doing the right things in your marriage? Sizzle Mindset: Seven Secrets to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage has been written to encourage couples to focus on what really matters to keep things sizzling hot in their marriage.

Ready to take your marriage to the next level? The How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage Course will take you there.

Subscribe

Blog

Happiness Store

Upcoming Events

Patient Portal

Home

How to Stop Arguing: Take Responsibility for Yourself and Your Emotions

You are an individual! After getting married, many forget that they are still individuals. You must not lose your identity in marriage. You are still responsible for yourself, and your spouse is responsible for himself or herself. Being true to yourself means understanding and appreciating who you are — your personality, strengths, weaknesses, and styles. Understanding yourself will help you make better decisions and enjoy better relationships. You will be better able to discern what to say “yes” to and when to say “no.”

Where do you feel anxiety in your body? Which of your behaviors are unhappy about? Are you aware of your thoughts that drive those behaviors? Do you know how to change those thoughts to produce better behaviors? Many times we blame others for how we feel and act. But no one has the power to make you feel or behave any particular way. Taking responsibility for your feelings and actions is the only way you can make the changes you desire in your marriage.

family therapist in Alabama

Sign up for a free training!

Do you want to stop arguing with your spouse? Does your marriage need help? Attend my next “How to Stop Arguing & Build a Happy Marriage” webinar where I share the secrets to a lasting marriage. Click the button below to sign up.

Register Now
Joe Follette, Jr. LMFT


 

Are you doing the right things in your marriage? Sizzle Mindset: Seven Secrets to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage has been written to encourage couples to focus on what really matters to keep things sizzling hot in their marriage.

Ready to take your marriage to the next level? The How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage Course will take you there.

Subscribe

Blog

Happiness Store

Upcoming Events

Patient Portal

Home

How to Stop Arguing: Establish a Baseline

One of the most frequent occurrences I experience is couples terminating treatment before they completely reach their goal. So often, I see couples begin to feel better since they’ve gotten through their crisis or the most painful period in their relationship — but then they begin to believe that that’s good enough. While in reality they haven’t reached their goals or built the skills they need to maintain their relationship progress. Many couples find their way back to me after more damage has occurred. I recommend that couples establish a baseline marker for where they currently are in their relationship that points to where they want to be. At any time during the process of change, couples can check in to see how they are progressing toward building a happy marriage. Take the test now to see how you are doing in your marriage and establish your baseline.

Take a Quiz to Establish a Baseline

Marriage Assessment

The marriage assessment is an effective way to check in and see how you are doing as a couple. Your first time taking it will provide you a baseline to check your growth when you take the test again in the future. Answer questions based on how you feel currently in this marriage not on the past or what you are hoping for in the future.

Hot or Not Marriage Quiz

Marriage can be difficult. So many get married never expecting challenges. The problem is that marriage contains two imperfect people who often have some deep issues. These issues throw cold water on your hot flame.

Take this short quiz to see how hot your marriage is.

Marriage Quiz

family therapist in Alabama

Do you want to stop arguing with your spouse? Does your marriage need help? Attend my next “How to Stop Arguing & Build a Happy Marriage” webinar where I share the secrets to a lasting marriage. Click the button below to sign up.

Register Now
Joe Follette, Jr. LMFT


 

Are you doing the right things in your marriage? Sizzle Mindset: Seven Secrets to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage has been written to encourage couples to focus on what really matters to keep things sizzling hot in their marriage.

Ready to take your marriage to the next level? The How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage Course will take you there.

Subscribe

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How to Stop Arguing: Be Positioned for Change

Change is wonderful. But to successfully change you must be positioned for change. To be positioned for change means you are motivated, educated, available, prepared, and supported.

 

Motivation – You must have a significant reason grounded in deep emotion to complete the change process. You must have a “Why?” that is compelling and captivating. Without an emotional reason to change, challenges and obstacles will easily discourage your attempts to change.

Education – Making the changes you desire requires following the path others have taken to be successful. This requires research and often help from others who can show you the way. You have to choose a path for change that feels right for you.

Available – You can want to change, but you are going to need resources to change. Whether that resource is time or money, you must give your change whatever it requires. Suppose you want to lose 20 pounds, and your plan requires preparing your lunch from home each day. You must have the time to make these lunches and the financial resources to purchase the needed foods for your lunches. If you are too busy or don’t have the money, you will not lose weight on your selected plan.

Preparation – To make changes, you must be prepared to make the sacrifices necessary. You can’t change if you are not prepared for the cravings to return to your old way, your old friends, places, and things. You won’t be able to change if you stop working on the plan you’re using.

Support – To make changes, you need support. You need a source or sources of encouragement, instruction, accountability, etc. No man is an island. We need others just like they need us.  

You can enjoy a happy and peaceful marriage no matter what bad stuff has happened. You just have to stop complaining about your problems and get busy engaging in the change process. If you believe you are positioned for change move on to the next step.

family therapist in Alabama

Do you want to stop arguing with your spouse? Does your marriage need help? Attend my next “How to Stop Arguing & Build a Happy Marriage” webinar where I share the secrets to a lasting marriage. Click the button below to sign up.

Register Now

Joe Follette, Jr. LMFT


 

Are you doing the right things in your marriage? Sizzle Mindset: Seven Secrets to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage has been written to encourage couples to focus on what really matters to keep things sizzling hot in their marriage.

Ready to take your marriage to the next level? The How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage Course will take you there.

Subscribe

Blog

Happiness Store

Upcoming Events

Patient Portal

Home

How to Stop Arguing: Decide to Change

You are tired of feeling disgusted, disappointed, and disconnected with so much arguing in your marriage. You have begun looking for answers to solve your problem and renew your marriage. Then you stumbled upon my site and are now considering what I can do for you. Once you begin working with me, you will start to change unproductive behaviors, and your marriage will begin to feel better. At some point you will forget all of your progress and return to the old unproductive behaviors. Then you will have to work doubly hard to get back on the path of the good behaviors. Finally, you will either give up on changing altogether or achieve mastery of the desired behaviors. However, with that mastery comes the potential of returning to the old behaviors. This places you in a state of continually maintaining your mastery. This describes the process of change. It has been reported that it takes fifty-five days to establish a new habit. So if you want your change your marriage, I challenge you to dedicate the next few months to achieving that change.

My goal for all my clients is achieving what we call in family systems theory, the second order change. This is occurs when you truly have no desire for the old behaviors. Your mind is free from the old ways, and there is no need for maintenance. If you desire to change your marriage, then I encourage you to take the next couple of months to focus on improving your marriage. Continue this training by going to the next screen.

family therapist in Alabama

Do you want to stop arguing with your spouse? Does your marriage need help? Attend my next “How to Stop Arguing & Build a Happy Marriage” webinar where I share the secrets to a lasting marriage. Click the button below to sign up.

Register Now

Joe Follette, Jr. LMFT


 

Are you doing the right things in your marriage? Sizzle Mindset: Seven Secrets to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage has been written to encourage couples to focus on what really matters to keep things sizzling hot in their marriage.

Ready to take your marriage to the next level? The How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage Course will take you there.

Subscribe

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How to Stop Arguing

I hate arguing with my wife. Even though we still have our moments, we have significantly reduced the number of those arguments. I am grateful that our arguments are much less intense and that we now recover quickly. But how did we get to the point we’re at now?

I had to make a decision. I had to stop blaming my wife for the arguments. I had to start working on my 50% of the problem. I had to start putting in action the things that I had been teaching my clients. I had to learn how to control my emotions and my behaviors. And when I changed – she changed. That really makes you wonder who had the problem then.

Because you are two different people you are going to argue. Why? Because you have different perspectives, different experiences, different tastes, different fears, different strengths, different weaknesses, etc. Rarely do people end up with a spouse that’s exactly like them in every way. So of course there are going to be some arguments, but there are ways to curb their intensity and destructiveness.

There are several secrets to stop arguing with your spouse and build a happy marriage.

Four Secrets to Stop Arguing

  1. Learn to respect your spouse’s differences. You must not only accept them for who they are but also appreciate their different perspective. 
  2. Learn how to communicate your thoughts and feelings without disrespecting your spouse.
  3. Learn how to negotiate and reach a we-win outcome.
  4. Learn to control your emotions.

My online course, “How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage” contains everything you’ll need to learn how to stop arguing. It includes readings, activities, videos and exercises that will help you and your spouse become better communicators. The content is drawn from my thousands of hours working to help couples stop arguing and start communicating. Not only will you learn more about the secrets to stop arguing, but you’ll finish the course feeling closer to each other and wishing you had done this years ago.

family therapist in Alabama

Sign up for a free training!

Do you want to stop arguing with your spouse? Does your marriage need help? Attend my next “How to Stop Arguing & Build a Happy Marriage” webinar where I share the secrets to a lasting marriage. Click the button below to sign up.

Register Now

Joe Follette, Jr. LMFT

How to Stop Arguing: Get Help!

Would you like help to stop arguing and build a happy marriage? Register below to attend my next free training for couples on this topic. Previous Step Do you want to stop arguing with your spouse? Does your marriage need help? Attend my next "marriage communication training where I share the secrets to a lasting [...]

How to Stop Arguing: Keep Your Filter Unclogged

We all have blind spots. There may be truths about ourselves that others see, but we don’t. It is really hard sometimes to hear the truth that our spouse is trying to communicate to us. Some people are more open to frank, candid conversations than others. Honesty is a key component of happy marriages. If [...]

How to Stop Arguing: Learn How to De-escalate

Inevitably, something is going to get somebody fired up at some time. Your spouse will say something that gets under your skin. You may not respond in a positive way. Before you know it, you are having a yelling match or something similar. While these moments are to be expected, it is important for you [...]

How to Stop Arguing: Commit to “We-Win” Negotiation

Everybody wants what they want. Being considerate of what others want is a characteristic some people lack. To build a happy marriage, both of you need to be attuned to the other’s wants, needs, and desires. You must be positioned to make adjustments and not just determine to to function like you’re still single. That's [...]

How to Stop Arguing: Learn to Communicate Effectively

Communication is the process of sending and receiving messages. Couples who master this process have the most enjoyable marriages. Couples who balance talking and listening well have great marriages. Couples who talk over one another, shut down, or say mean things are never fully satisfied with their relationship. Effective communication leads to a power balance [...]

How to Stop Arguing: Recommit to Respecting and Loving Your Spouse

Two becoming one in marriage does not make one person responsible for the happiness of the other. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness. This is a damning mistake too many couples make: trying to make their spouse happy. There is no end to that pursuit. This is our personal responsibility.Your responsibility is [...]

How to Stop Arguing: Take Responsibility for Yourself and Your Emotions

You are an individual! After getting married, many forget that they are still individuals. You must not lose your identity in marriage. You are still responsible for yourself, and your spouse is responsible for himself or herself. Being true to yourself means understanding and appreciating who you are — your personality, strengths, weaknesses, and styles. [...]

How to Stop Arguing: Establish a Baseline

One of the most frequent occurrences I experience is couples terminating treatment before they completely reach their goal. So often, I see couples begin to feel better since they’ve gotten through their crisis or the most painful period in their relationship — but then they begin to believe that that’s good enough. While in reality [...]

How to Stop Arguing: Be Positioned for Change

Change is wonderful. But to successfully change you must be positioned for change. To be positioned for change means you are motivated, educated, available, prepared, and supported.   Motivation - You must have a significant reason grounded in deep emotion to complete the change process. You must have a “Why?” that is compelling and captivating. [...]

How to Stop Arguing: Decide to Change

You are tired of feeling disgusted, disappointed, and disconnected with so much arguing in your marriage. You have begun looking for answers to solve your problem and renew your marriage. Then you stumbled upon my site and are now considering what I can do for you. Once you begin working with me, you will start [...]


 

Are you doing the right things in your marriage? Sizzle Mindset: Seven Secrets to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage has been written to encourage couples to focus on what really matters to keep things sizzling hot in their marriage.

Ready to take your marriage to the next level? The How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage Course will take you there.

Subscribe

Blog

Happiness Store

Upcoming Events

Patient Portal

Home