Is He Cheating On Me? What Should You Do About It?

It’s common for infidelity to come between otherwise happy couple, whether married or not. You’ve probably even Googled, “Is he cheating on me?” But then what? What should you do if you find out your spouse or partner is cheating?

Maybe a password stays active on their phone, while none of the notifications from communication apps show on screen. It’s possible you have a third person feeding off your relationship.

Is He Cheating On Me?

Is He Cheating On Me?: Facing Your Fears

Sometimes the fear of being cheated on arises from not knowing everything that’s going on in your partner’s life. Maybe his phone was never locked before you started staying together. The fear is not whether or not your partner is cheating — you’ve already accepted that possibility by letting your mind picture your spouse with someone else.

Like most things, you can only find a solution when all the information is out in the open. Don’t sleuth or sneak around trying to access your spouse’s emails or social media accounts. Don’t go asking all his Facebook friends, “Is he cheating on me?” Ask for access to his social media and let him know why you are probing.

In this day and age of hackers, many people look for ways to stealthily access the contents of the locked phone. That is an act equal to and if not more dangerous than the possibility of infidelity. So you get the phone penetrated, and find out your partner was not cheating on you. You just needed to feel as though a part of your life was still in your control. But then what?

Once you find out your spouse might be cheating, don’t go telling everyone you know. Wait until you talk to your partner about it. When something is going on, the best person to say anything about it to should be your partner. It’s tempting to cry about it with your friends and keep the question, “Is he cheating on me?” the topic of your every conversation, but too many relationships end this way. Your peers who are encouraging you up to hit the eject button are not in love with your partner, so go to your spouse for the answers to your questions.

Is He Cheating On Me?

Is He Cheating On Me?: Talking to Your Partner

Go to your partner, and try to be calm. Talk with them about the cheating, and tell them how it makes you feel. After confronting your spouse or partner, allow them to explain their side. In some situations, it might be good to have a marriage and family therapist from Lifestyle Therapy Coaching help you talk through things. Let your spouse explain his views and reasons. You can have a therapist sit in during the talk to keep tempers controlled and move you toward amicable ends.

A lack of communication is one of the reasons why people end up cheating on spouses or partners. If you find yourself asking people other than your spouse, “Is he cheating on me?”, that should already let you know that you have a lack of communication in your marriage. Other causes, such as dwindling intimacy levels are not so easy to solve, especially when a couple is having heated discussions about it regularly. What you might need is a crash course in healthy communication — like the “How to Stop Arguing With Your Spouse” online course.

Don’t be satisfied if your partner breaks the door to other options. Again, such matters are best worked on by both partners privately with the help of a licensed marriage counselor.

Is He Cheating On Me?

If He’s Cheating, Can You Find a Solution?

Even when the circumstances seem too bad to reconcile, many couples often find their way back to the kind of love they felt during their first days together. If he’s cheating on you, as with any other lifestyle situation, backtracking is possible. A solution should be crafted by, agreed upon, and maintained by both partners.

If couples decide to work on their marriage, finding a licensed marriage and family therapist is a great place to start. Therapists can help couples get at the root of their problems. There are also online courses, like “The Sizzling Hot Marriage Makeover Course” that includes a comprehensive marriage evaluation to help couples not only find the spark in their relationship, but also the problem areas they should work on. Going separate ways is a solution many people rush into but live to regret not too long after the decision. Taking a trial separation, on the other hand, gives both sides a taste of life without one another. If you’re still asking “Is he cheating on me?” during this separation, make sure you talk to your spouse and figure out what the separation will look like.

When you cannot live without each other, the therapeutic effects of such an activity always make for a better cement than you had previously. This makes for a stronger and longer-lasting relationship onward.

It takes commitment to maintain an agreed-upon solution. It takes teamwork and conscious effort from both sides. Knowing what your partner does not like and what they like takes effort. This time, don’t assume anything is key to a successful relationship.

Is He Cheating On Me?

Rekindling the Romance

You can read as many books as you can afford about understanding men or women. Most will not help as much since each case is unique. This is not to scare you, but to give you total control of your situation.

Everyone wishes the honeymoon will never end, and very few get to experience it more than once. Organize activities for just the two of you. This can be a weekend vacation away from your busy lifestyles. Treat the romantic getaway as you would a work meeting — don’t let anything disturb it. Even a surprise evening to rekindle the flame is enough to keep going. When you’re on these romantic getaways, don’t dwell on, “Is he cheating on me?” Make the most of it, and keep your communication lines open.

Along with working with your therapist and taking online courses together like “How to Stop Arguing With Your Spouse” and “The Sizzling Hot Marriage Makeover Course,” or try reading books like “The Sizzle Mindset” that will give you skills you’ll need to find that spark again.

Try to remember what it was that drew you together.

With such a strategy laid out, and looking at every relationship from a different perspective, it becomes immaterial who is cheating. What’s important is what you decide to do to move forward in your relationship.

Each relationship thrives on the intimacy that sparked it alive. Without external contributors or commentators, more relationships would survive. Some of the happiest couples you see walking hand to hand have been through deeper trouble times.

You need to own the relationship completely. Keep celebrating that somebody is with you regardless of your flaws for as long as you are alive.


Are you doing the right things in your marriage? Sizzle Mindset: Seven Secrets to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage has been written to encourage couples to focus on what really matters to keep things sizzling hot in their marriage.

Ready to take your marriage to the next level? The How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage Course will take you there.

How to Stop Arguing

I hate arguing with my wife. Even though we still have our moments, we have significantly reduced the number of those arguments. I am grateful that our arguments are much less intense and that we now recover quickly. But how did we get to the point we’re at now?

I had to make a decision. I had to stop blaming my wife for the arguments. I had to start working on my 50% of the problem. I had to start putting in action the things that I had been teaching my clients. I had to learn how to control my emotions and my behaviors. And when I changed – she changed. That really makes you wonder who had the problem then.

Because you are two different people you are going to argue. Why? Because you have different perspectives, different experiences, different tastes, different fears, different strengths, different weaknesses, etc. Rarely do people end up with a spouse that’s exactly like them in every way. So of course there are going to be some arguments, but there are ways to curb their intensity and destructiveness.

There are several secrets to stop arguing with your spouse and build a happy marriage.

Four Secrets to Stop Arguing

  1. Learn to respect your spouse’s differences. You must not only accept them for who they are but also appreciate their different perspective. 
  2. Learn how to communicate your thoughts and feelings without disrespecting your spouse.
  3. Learn how to negotiate and reach a we-win outcome.
  4. Learn to control your emotions.

My online course, “How to Stop Arguing and Build a Happy Marriage” contains everything you’ll need to learn how to stop arguing. It includes readings, activities, videos and exercises that will help you and your spouse become better communicators. The content is drawn from my thousands of hours working to help couples stop arguing and start communicating. Not only will you learn more about the secrets to stop arguing, but you’ll finish the course feeling closer to each other and wishing you had done this years ago.

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Sign up for a free training!

Do you want to stop arguing with your spouse? Does your marriage need help? Attend my next “How to Stop Arguing & Build a Happy Marriage” webinar where I share the secrets to a lasting marriage. Click the button below to sign up.

Joe Follette, Jr. LMFT

How to Stop Arguing: Get Help!

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How to Stop Arguing: Commit to “We-Win” Negotiation

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How to Stop Arguing: Learn to Communicate Effectively

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How to Stop Arguing: Take Responsibility for Yourself and Your Emotions

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How to Stop Arguing: Be Positioned for Change

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How to Stop Arguing: Decide to Change

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When Is It Time To Fight?

Guys boxing

We all long for peace and harmony in our relationships. But there comes a time when we are called to fight. Ecclesiastes 3:8 reminds us that there is a time for war. I suppose when you have a recalcitrant spouse who despite all of your gentle wooings continues down a path that is incompatible with marriage – it’s time to fight! When you have a boss who refuses to listen to reason demanding you to do something that is baseless and without principle – it’s time to fight! When you have a neighbor who is threatening your children – it’s time to fight! When you have an in-law who is trying to break up your marriage – it’s time to fight!

While we recognize that we are not wrestling against flesh and blood and that we must use the armour of God (Ephesians 6:11-12), we must, nevertheless, fight from time to time in our lives. The enemy is at work like a roaring lion seeking to devour us (1 Peter 5:8). That means there comes times in our lives when we either have to run or fight the lion that comes attacking us. Just remember to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:14) and use due diligence to fight in a way that doesn’t bring blame upon yourself (Philippians 2:14-15).

Another fact that we must consider when we are fighting for righteousness sake is that God is fighting with us. He promises to protect from every weapon used against us during our fights. (Isaiah 54:17) We can be assured that no matter what we are facing God is with us. (Isaiah 41:10) Don’t allow your enemies intimidation to paralyze you. God says don’t be afraid of them – He has already won the battle. (Jeremiah 1:8; 2 Chronicles 20:15) He will be with you! (Isaiah 43:2) Your enemies should be afraid of you. (Philippians 1:28)

I’m not sure who all this message is for. I just wanted to reiterate that while we desire peace and harmony in our relationships, sometimes we have to fight. Just remember that you belong to God – He is your protector. He is fighting with you and actually the battle is yours because of it. Ultimately the battle belongs to Him. Just be sure you are fighting for the sake of good and not evil. Be sure to use his armour and not your own. And like David when he fought Goliath, remember, no matter how big the enemy with God the victory is yours.

Planning a Wedding or Planning a Marriage?

A good friend of mine is getting married and told his fiance in the midst of their wedding planning to be careful in all of her wedding planning to not forget about the marriage planning. It is true that so much money is spent and attention given to the wedding but very little money is spent and attention given to the developing marriage. Couples who take the time to invest in their marital relationship are very wise. You invest in your marriage by getting premarital counseling, reading books, and being sure that the lines of communication stay open. You also invest in your marriage by being mindful of how your relationship is developing before you get married. When two homes are coming together there are so many variables that are a part of the equation that must be considered. Being careful to ensure that you are in agreement at every stage is essential. Many times one individual may begin to feel like he/she is making all the concessions and giving in to the other. The pressures that arise in preparing for a wedding can be intense and very confusing. Take the time to step back to discuss what’s happening along the way. Discuss your relationships with family and friends, finances, sexual expectations, religion, children and parenting, social expectations, personality differences, time together, love languages, anger management, infidelity, diet and exercise, dress, travel, careers, political, favorite interests, habits, character, and dreams to name a few. Being able to talk through these issues before you actually tie the knot is very helpful to planning a marriage.

A big mistake couples make is making too many marital commitments prior to the marriage. Many couples get involved financially and sexually prior to tying the knot. This is like giving the contractor money without a contract and paying for the job before he finishes. It may work out OK but it is not a best practice. You are taking a BIG risk. Take the time to get to know your potential suitor before you make such a major commitment like marriage. Get to know their family and friends. If you get involved in marital affairs prematurely it may become very difficult to back out when you realize this is not good for you. Patience is a virtue in any contractual deal. Especially one that is so involving like a lifelong commitment as marriage.

Neil Clark Warren wrote a book entitled Two Dates or Less where he describes the process of determining if someone is good for you within two dates. This is a phenomenal concept because it keeps you from making commitments to the wrong one. Too many people marry someone they really aren’t in love with. They settle simply because they have been together so long. Don’t wast your time dating someone who is not a perfect fit for you. No I didn’t say is perfect. Because nobody is perfect. But perfect for you. We share a lot in common and disagree about very little. We are attracted to each other and enjoy being together. We are not entangled in other things that would take away from our harmony with one another. This is a great time for us to get together. All of these are considerations when determining a perfect fit.

I love to compare selecting a mate to picking out a pair of shoes. Make sure they fit and you pay for them before you leave the store. Make sure before you make marital commitments that you have done your homework and made preparation before you jump into marriage. If you don’t you may find yourself having a wonderful wedding but a miserable marriage.

Sizzling Hot Marriage Retreats


Sizzling Hot Marriage Retreats

Now is your opportunity to get away for a refreshing weekend to address the sexual issues you have been dealing with in your marriage. From a deeply spiritual perspective, Marriage & Family Therapist Joseph L. Follette, Jr., author of “The Sizzle Mindset: Seven Secrets to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage” will gently guide the two of you through intimacy building exercises that will get you started on the right path toward a healthy sexual relationship and a Sizzling Hot Marriage.

Along with this first rate therapy experience you will enjoy comfortable accommodations and delicious meals. You will make some new friends with other couples with similar goals.





Suffer no more! Take time to resolve your sexual issues before they destroy your marriage. At this retreat you will address the underlying issues creating the tension in your marriage bed. You will learn how to communicate in a way that leads to feeling closer to each other and ultimately more sexually attracted to each other.

A Sizzling Hot Marriage enjoys passionate sex and a great relationship.If you are wondering if this retreat is for you or not answer the following questions to do a quick assessment of your marriage. Each of these ten items represent key factors that play a big role in marital intimacy.

Marital Intimacy


  1. We agree on the frequency of our sexual encounters. Yes or No

  2. When we have sex we are both usually satisfied. Yes or No

  3. We are both satisfied with the amount of undivided time we spend together each week. Yes or No

  4. We agree on our families priorities. Yes or No

  5. We rarely argue. Yes or No

  6. We regularly spend individual and family time with God. Yes or No

  7. We have great conversations together daily. Yes or No

  8. We don’t allow others to enter into our private circle. Yes or No

  9. We feel confident in each other’s love. Yes or No

  10. We feel free to express and be ourselves with each other. Yes or No


Answering no to any of these items can mean trouble for your marriage. If you answered no to several of them it is imperative that you seek help right away. Don’t allow the enemy to destroy your family.Joseph L. Follette, Jr. has a Masters in Divinity and is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who has over 20 years of experience helping couples work through their challenges to achieve a Sizzling Hot Marriage. This retreat seeks to enrich your love making, deepen your commitment to your marriage and reduce the conflict between you. Hopefully it will set you up to leave a legacy of healthy sexuality for the next generation. During this weekend you will learn the spiritual roots of healthy sexuality with your mate. You will achieve a God-focus that will enhance how you feel about yourself and your sexual feelings toward each other. So on this weekend, you will reconnect with God and your mate. Beginning Friday evening and continuing through Sunday noon you can set your marriage on a better path and make some great memories with your mate.

About Us

For friendly, compassionate and competent service, you will find no better people positioned to help you feel better. At Lifestyle Therapy & Coaching our focus is on your total health and well-being. We have what you need to help you feel better.

Our licensed clinicians have years of experience helping people feel better. We provide treatment for many different issues. Our areas of professional practice include Marriage & Family Therapy, Professional Counseling, Chiropractic, and Medical Nutrition Therapy.

Take your marriage to the next level. Get ready for our next retreat. Go to to set your appointment to complete a Pre-Retreat Assessment or Call (256) 850-4426 for more information.

To get started you need to set up a 50 minute assessment session with one of our therapists. During this assessment we will get to know you to ensure that our retreat addresses the issues you are facing.

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