It is important for men as well as women to feel like their spouse finds them attractive. It is the major reason why couples decide to get together in the first place. You want me and I want you. Usually when couples get together they give each other calls, cards, stares, gifts, time, touches, words, thoughtful deeds and attention that all says I find you very attractive and I want to be with you. But for most (or many – you decide) it is difficult over the long haul to keep this energetic other directed-ness up. If a couple desires to be a Sizzling Hot Marriage it is very important that they make it an important aspect of their relationship to consistently communicate “I’m attracted to you!” Some personalities find this easier to do than others. Your outgoing types may find it easier to show attention and be affectionate. However, regardless of personality type, anyone can discipline themselves to do 3 to 5 things for their spouse consistently. Remember what is easy to do is easy not to do.

Ask your spouse if she feels your attraction to her. If she says no then ask her what three things you can do daily that would make her feel like you were attracted to her. If she says yes move on to the next question. What do I do that makes you feel like I am attracted to you? Then ask, Do you find me attractive? How do you generally express that attraction to me? This is not the time to criticize anything she says. You may just want to say something like, I really appreciate what you have done to show me you are attracted to me. In addition I would like it if you could (for example 1-Give me a warm kiss and hug when I come home, 2-tell me you love me and 3-talk to me for 30 minutes) to show me how attracted you are to me. Is this something you can do for me? I encourage couples in therapy to make a calendar and each make note when they experience their mate doing 1, 2 or 3 during the day. Keep this up for about 2 months and it will become a new habit.

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Joe Follette

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